<!-- Hide from old, pathetic browsers

  var now = new Date();
  var month = now.getMonth() + 1;
  var date = now.getDate();
  var year = now.getYear();

  if ((month == "1")||(month == "3")||(month == "5")||
(month == "7")||(month == "9")||(month == "12")){
        msgst = new Array
        msgst[1] = "Eat to live, and not live to eat."

        msgst[2] = "Laziness travels so slowly, that Poverty soon overtakes him."

        msgst[3] = "Is there anything men take more pains about, than to make themselves unhappy?"

        msgst[4] = "Love your neighbor yet don’t pull down your hedge."

        msgst[5] = "Men and melons are hard to know."

        msgst[6] = "Half the truth is often a great lie."

        msgst[7] = "He’s the best physician that knows the worthlessness of  most medicines."

        msgst[8] = "The heart of  a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart."

        msgst[9] = "Innocence is its own defence."

        msgst[10] = "Love, cough and a smoke, can’t well be hid."

        msgst[11] = "Without justice, courage is weak."

        msgst[12] = "In success be moderate."

        msgst[13] = "The wolf sheds his coat once a year; his disposition never."

        msgst[14] = "Many a man’s own tongue gives evidence against his understanding."

        msgst[15] = "Better slip with foot than tongue."

        msgst[16] = "Be not sick too late, nor well too soon."

        msgst[17] = "Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage."

        msgst[18] = "You may delay, but Time will not."

        msgst[19] = "Drive thy Business! - let not it drive you."

        msgst[20] = "He that cannot obey, cannot command."

        msgst[21] = "Teach your child to hold his tongue, he’ll learn fast enough to speak."

        msgst[22] = "A good man is seldom uneasy, an ill one never easy."

        msgst[23] = "He does not possess wealth, it possesses him."

        msgst[24] = "Avarice and Happiness never saw each other, how then should they become acquainted."

        msgst[25] = "Necessity never made a good bargain."

        msgst[26] = "He that best understands the world, least likes it."

        msgst[27] = "There’s many witty men whose brains can’t fill their bellies."

        msgst[28] = "Be civil to all; serviceable to many; familiar with few; Friend to one; Enemy to none."

        msgst[29] = "Humility makes great men twice honorable."

        msgst[30] = "A lie stands on one leg, Truth on two."

        msgst[31] = "Diligence is the mother of good-luck."

        var msgt = msgst[date]
}



  else {
        msgst = new Array
        msgst[1] = "None preaches better than the ant, and she says nothing."

        msgst[2] = "Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it."

        msgst[3] = "he that have patience, can have what he will."

        msgst[4] = "God heals, and the doctor takes fees."

        msgst[5] = "If you desire many things, many things will seem but a few."

        msgst[6] = "He that can take rest is greater than he that can take cities."

        msgst[7] = "He that can compose himself, is wiser than he that composes books."

        msgst[8] = "A false friend and a shadow, attend only while the sun shines."

        msgst[9] = "At the working man’s house hunger looks in but dares not enter."

        msgst[10] = "Let thy vices die before thee."

        msgst[11] = "Search others for their virtues, thy self for thy vices."

        msgst[12] = "Trust thyself and another shall not betray thee."

        msgst[13] = "Blessed is he that expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."

        msgst[14] = "Sin is not hurtful because it is forbidden but it is forbidden because it’s hurtful."

        msgst[15] = "A change of Fortune hurts a wise man no more than a change of the Moon."

        msgst[16] = "An empty bag cannot stand upright."

        msgst[17] = "A house without woman and firelight is like a body without soul or sprite."

        msgst[18] = "You can bear your own fault, and why not a fault in your wife?"

        msgst[19] = "Have you some what to do to-morrow, do it to-day."

        msgst[20] = "How few there are who have courage enough to own their own faults, or resolution enough to mend them!"

        msgst[21] = "Eat few suppers, and you’ll need few medicines."

        msgst[22] = "Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits."

        msgst[23] = "Who is rich? He that rejoices in his portion."

        msgst[24] = "Beware of little expenses, a small leak will sink a great ship."

        msgst[25] = "He that would travel much, should eat little."

        msgst[26] = "Many complain of their memory, few of their judgment."

        msgst[27] = "Its easier to prevent bad habits than to break them."

        msgst[28] = "Many people seem to think that opportunity means a chance to get money without earning it."

        msgst[29] = "It’s the easiest thing in the world for a man to deceive himself."

        msgst[30] = "Want of care does us more damage than want of knowledge."

        msgst[31] = "Can wealth give happiness? Look round and see, What gay distress! What splindid misery!"

        var msgt = msgst[date]
}
//-->

<!-- Hide from old, pathetic browsers

//code for jokes below

  var now = new Date();
  var month = now.getMonth() + 1;
  var date = now.getDate();
  var year = now.getYear();

  if ((month == "1")||(month == "3")||(month == "5")||(month == "7")||(month == "9")||(month == "12")){
        msgs = new Array
        msgs[1] = "Is it true that married men live longer than single man? No, it just seems longer."

        msgs[2] = "Do you like big weddings or little ones. Without big weddings you shouldn’t have little ones."

        msgs[3] = "The father was giving advice to his son just before his marriage: Son, in the beginning it will be tri-weekly.  After ten years, it will be try weekly and after 20 years it will be try weakly."

        msgs[4] = "If you’re fed up with your marriage, why don’t you leave him? I would if I could find a way of doing it without making him happy."

        msgs[5] = "My husband is an angel. You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive."

        msgs[6] = "What a coincidence! the wife said to her husband: You forgot my birthday and I forgot how to cook!"

        msgs[7] = "One man to another I want to marry a smart woman, a good woman, a woman who’ll make me happy.Make up your mind!"

        msgs[8] = "They had been married for 25 years and were still in love.  She with the doctor and he with his secretary."

        msgs[9] = "Marriage is like a 3-ring circus. First the engagement ring, second the wedding ring and third the suffer-ring."

        msgs[10] = "If you were my husband, I would give you poison. If I was your husband, I’d take it!"

        msgs[11] = "I don’t think I look 35, do you? she asked her husband. No, I don’t, he said, but you used to."

        msgs[12] = "Patient: Aren’t this pills habit forming? Doctor: Rubbish, I’ve been taking them for years."

        msgs[13] = "The doctor answered the phone to hear an excited voice say, Quick, send an ambulance.  My life is about to have a baby! Calm down, said the doctor, Is this her first baby? No, this is her husband speaking."

        msgs[14] = "The doctor told me to take these pills for the rest of my life. So, what’s the problem? He only gave me a dozen. A hospital is a place where they wake you up at five o’clock in the  morning to give you a sleeping pill."

        msgs[15] = "Doctor, when I get will, will I be able to play the piano? Of Course. That’s great. I never played it before."

        msgs[16] = "Two psychiatrists met in the hospital corridor.  One said: You’re feeling good.  How am I?"

        msgs[17] = "Why are you screaming? said the dentist, I haven’t started drilling yet. I know, but you are standing on my feet, said his patient."

        msgs[18] = "There was a power failure in a Dublin department store. Thousands of shoppers were stranded on the escalator for hours."

        msgs[19] = "Your glass is empty, Mick, will you be having another? Why would I want two empty glasses?"

        msgs[20] = "I went by your place yesterday. Thanks."

        msgs[21] = "He: I’ve got an idea. She: Beginners’ luck."

        msgs[22] = "He: Is this a battle of wits between us? She: No, I never pick on a man who is unarmed."

        msgs[23] = "He: Intelligence reigns supreme in our family. She: Well, you must have been born during a dry spell."

        msgs[24] = "He is so fat that he can’t play golf because if he puts the ball where he can hit it, he can’t see it and if he puts the ball where he can see it, he can’t hit it."

        msgs[25] = "I used to be in the circus. Really? Which cage?"

        msgs[26] = "She’s so fat that her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it’s daylight."

        msgs[27] = "I’m not myself today. Yes, I noticed the improvement."

        msgs[28] = "What did the moron do to stop himself from dying? Stayed in the living room."

        msgs[29] = "What is black and white and red all over? An embarrassed zebra."

        msgs[30] = "How did the moron get down from the tree? He sat on a leaf and waited for autumn!"

        msgs[31] = "What were Tarzan’s last words? Who greased that vine?"

        var msg = msgs[date]
}

else {
        msgs = new Array
        msgs[1] = "Waiter, do I have to wait here until I die of starvation? No sir, we close at six o’clock"

        msgs[2] = "Waiter, do you serve crabs? Sit down, sir. We serve anybody."

        msgs[3] = "She was such a noisy eater that when she started on her soup, three couples got up to dance."

        msgs[4] = "When a woman makes a fool of a man it’s usually an improvement."

        msgs[5] = "Women are called birds because of all the worms they pick up."

        msgs[6] = "Success is relative - the more success the more relatives."

        msgs[7] = "She was a great housekeeper - divorced three husbands and kept the house each time."

        msgs[8] = "A pessimist is a man who wears both suspenders and a belt at the same time."

        msgs[9] = "You’re getting old when the one thing you don’t want for your birthday is to be reminded of it."

        msgs[10] = "There’s not much difference between a toilet seat and an anniversary - men usually miss them both."

        msgs[11] = "Don’t smoke in bed, for the ashes, which fall on the floor, may be your own."

        msgs[12] = "Boss: We need a dynamic man with the capability to handle a variety of jobs. Applicant: I’m suitable. I’ve had 18 jobs in one year."

        msgs[13] = "You never know what true happiness is until you’re married and then it’s too late!"

        msgs[14] = "She likes to wear a barbed wire dress -  it protects the property without obstructing the view."

        msgs[15] = "Adam didn’t have a mother-in-law.  That is why he lived in paradise."

        msgs[16] = "Women’s hankies are much much smaller than men’s handkerchief - yet their noses are practically the same size.  How do they manage?"

        msgs[17] = "When one woman talks it’s a monologue. And when two women talk it’s a catalogue."

        msgs[18] = "If brides wear white as a sign of virginity and happiness why do bridegrooms wear black?"

        msgs[19] = "I don’t know whether he’s lost a lot of weight lately, but when he wears a red ties, you’d mistake him for a thermometer."

        msgs[20] = "Marriage is like a fort under siege. Those within would like to get out and those without try desperately to get in."

        msgs[21] = "Heredity is something a father believes in till his son starts to act like a fool."

        msgs[22] = "You are getting old when you don’t care where your wife goes, as long as you don’t have to go with her."

        msgs[23] = "When does a woman want her husband to listen to reason? When she wants him to listen to her!"

        msgs[24] = "Why is John not getting married? Because he’s studying for a bachelor’s degree."

        msgs[25] = "How do you say the earth is square? Because my father says he has been to the four corners of the earth."

        msgs[26] = "Sign outside a church in northern Scotland: Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help."

        msgs[27] = "When Pepsi went to China their slogan 'Come alive with Pepsi' was translated as: ' Pepsi brings you back from dead."

        msgs[28] = "Son: 'Papa, there's a man with a moustach and beard at the door!'. Father: 'Tell him to go away, I already have one."

        msgs[29] = "Tall girl: 'Do you have a skirt to make me look shorter?' Salesman: 'No but I have one that will make everyone else look longer."

        msgs[30] = "The company organised a competition for it's salesmen. The first prize was a trip to Paris and the French Riviera, all expenses paid. The second prize was just the same, except it also paid for the wife."

        msgs[31] = "One drink makes you ten years younger. The second drink makes you a new man; the third makes you feel like a baby so that you crawl home."

        var msg = msgs[date]
}
//-->

function emailCheck() {
txt=document.form.Email.value;
if (txt.indexOf("@")<2){
alert("Check your Email Address.Please"
+"check the prefix and '@' sign.");
document.form.Email.focus();
return false;
}
else if ((txt.indexOf(".com")<5)&&(txt.indexOf(".org")<5)
&&(txt.indexOf(".gov")<5)&&(txt.indexOf(".net")<5)
&&(txt.indexOf(".mil")<5)&&(txt.indexOf(".edu")<5)){
alert("Check your Email Address.\n(It should include a "
+".com, .edu, .net, .org, .gov or .mil)");
document.form.Email.focus();
return false;
} 
else
return true; 
}